I drove for the first time in a long time without the music on……I don’t think cars are supposed to make the sounds I’m hearing.
oh nowwww everyone wanna know what introverts do for fun
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Don’t you love followers that don’t acknowledge your existence.
Its so cute. Its like I have tiny marriages all over the world.
Wife*outside bathroom door*:”I can hear ur keyboard clicking away. U tweeting in there?”
Me*pauses knitting*:”Uh, Ya”
I’m rubber. You’re glue.
I don’t conduct low voltage electricity. You’re great for arts & crafts.
Few people knew that Albert Einstein had a brother that was an evil scientist who created a monster from body parts.
His name was Frank
To err is human, to arr is pirate.
ME: Do you want children?
ME: Me too.
HER: That’s great!
ME: [gestures to next table] How ‘bout those?
ME: *whispers* Where are you parked?
“Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.”
The priest replied, “I know. I saw your tweet!”
I wrote ‘WILL YOU MARRY ME?’ on a balloon. However, before I could propose…
-I popped the question
Things that don’t kill bees
1. Furniture polish