oh to be a capybara in an open air bath with an orange on its head

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Nothing terrifies me more than hearing, “Mommy close your eyes I have a present.”


*breaks glass*
*pulls fire alarm*
Great, now that you’re all here, I want to correct this impression in the office that I’m weird.


Tell the guy at the first drive-thru window that you want the guy at the second window to throw your food into the car without you stopping.


All I’m saying is adults don’t tiptoe nearly as much as Saturday morning cartoons led me to believe.


[American TV]
SHOWRUNNER: We’ll have 184 episodes over 8 years and possibly 3 spin-offs.

[British TV]
SHOWRUNNER: We’ll run for 63 years. There will be one episode a year. Some years there won’t be any. Alternatively we can do 8 episodes right now then never mention it again.


What many don’t know,
“Riverdance” was invented while waiting in line at the ladies toilet.


Motherhood means never questioning why you found a Stormtrooper in the toilet just now


Just found out Fox News’s website has a Science section, which I assume links to a video of Sean Hannity screaming at a biology textbook.