Someone in the office keeps making decaf coffee & I’ve narrowed it down to that guy who never gets anything done.
Oh you’re a jogger? Good for you. I just burned 3000 calories in under 30 minutes.
Can’t believe I forgot that pizza was in the oven.
You Might Also Like
I think the elementary school music teacher was overly optimistic when she said we may recognize this next song.
Boss: Let’s be frank.
Me: Dibs on “Sinatra.”
Mormon cats have 9 wives.
[at the mall with my husband]
Me singing softly: She’s just a girl and she’s on fire..
Hubby: *shoots dirty look*
Me, ignoring: Ohhhh, she’s got her head in the clouds and-
Me: THIS GIRL IS ON FIRE!! FIIIYAHHHH
When my husband asked me do something creative for dinner, I drew a cute picture of a dog on a napkin and put it next to the pizza box.
For all the people who doubted me:
You were right
If you’re about to be attacked by a bear, just dress up as a pirate. It won’t help you survive but it’ll make an interesting headline.
[pouring another round of shots for my dolls]
What do you mean isolated and unstable?
My dog and I are just drivin around, listenin to music and OMG DOG DO YOU EVEN HAVE A LICENSE? PAWS AT 10 AND 2. DO NOT FOLLOW THAT SQUIRREL