Ok I don’t get it. Kid Rock looks nothing like adult Rock

You Might Also Like


If you have slept with someone who sounds like Darth Vader breathing, you understand why it’s so great to sleep alone.


me: omg you’re dying

my phone: wtf the charger is just across the room

me: [crying] I wish I could help


6 to his brother: Hey man, all I want is some oatmeal and a nap.

It’s a joy raising an 80 year old man.


Me: I’m worried about my kleptomania.
Doctor: Here, take this.


Me: I can’t seem to lose weight
CW: Have you tried cutting back on your sugar intake
Me:*stirring coffee with snickers bar* What do you mean


Real men don’t run from problems, they fix them. Unless it’s really scary


Why are things sent by car called shipments, and things sent by ships called cargo?


I just used one of those plastic grocery dividers to let my wife know exactly where the middle of the bed is.


[front of card]
No one will find your body

[open card]
as attractive as I do

[back of card]
lying at the bottom of an abandoned mine shaft