I just got a text from someone I don’t know. They say they’re sick and vomitting.
Should I tell them that vomitting only has one T?
Old stoners don’t die. They blow this joint.
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*dims the lights so you look like your selfies*
Waiter: and for you?
Me: *after rehearsing in my head for 15 minutes* the chimney changas
“I’m a hoarse whisperer…”
Ironically I’m watching an exercise infomercial because I’m too lazy to get the remote.
M. Night Shyamalan showed me his new screenplay where the coronavirus turns out to be Bruce Willis this whole time.
Namaste or Namago.
*GF walks in dressed up
“Who’s the babe and what’ve you done with my gf?”
*tackles imposter and puts her in choke hold
WHERE IS SHE
My lasagna just took a picture of me and posted it on Instagram
aliens took me up to on their ship but i have no time for that drama so i just jumped out