@Darlainky

Old stoners don’t die. They blow this joint.

You Might Also Like

@juneohara65

I just got a text from someone I don’t know. They say they’re sick and vomitting.

Should I tell them that vomitting only has one T?

@notacroc

Waiter: and for you?

Me: *after rehearsing in my head for 15 minutes* the chimney changas

@TrueTorontoGirl

Ironically I’m watching an exercise infomercial because I’m too lazy to get the remote.

@HoldinCoffeeld

M. Night Shyamalan showed me his new screenplay where the coronavirus turns out to be Bruce Willis this whole time.

@RocketRankoon

*GF walks in dressed up
“Who’s the babe and what’ve you done with my gf?”
GF: Haha
*tackles imposter and puts her in choke hold
WHERE IS SHE

@KimMonte10

My lasagna just took a picture of me and posted it on Instagram

@wolfpupy

aliens took me up to on their ship but i have no time for that drama so i just jumped out