@ArfMeasures

[On a Ferris wheel]

Him *kisses her* this is so perfect!

Her *kisses him back* and so romantic!

Me: It’s weird these things have 3 seats

You Might Also Like

@SaraESpivey

I turned my phone onto “Airplane Mode” and threw it into the air. Worst. Transformer. Ever.

@flashember

Me, a good parent: Oliver we talked about this [wrestling coat onto a walrus] u can still catch a cold despite your thick layer of blubber

@KalvinMacleod

[driving test]
INSTRUCTOR: Any initial concerns?
ME: Volcanoes
I: About the test?
M: No
I: Ok then let’s go
M: *drives into active volcano*

@Marcmywords2

Can you fail a drug test from a mosquito bite?

Asking for the next person this mosquito bites.

@Browtweaten

Doctor: This makes no sense. The ultrasound isn’t finding your baby

Wife: Haha, well I guess we know who he takes after

Waldo: *from behind a curtain* That’s my boy

@Faptually

I’ll have a whiskey please.

“Ma’am, this is McDonald’s.”

Sorry, a McWhiskey.