@U_Want_Shum_M8

ON THE INTERNET : Ughh.. I hate people so much..

APPLYING FOR JOB : I love working with people and I am very sociable

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@GlumGeorgeLucas

Disney couldn’t handle my awesome script.

Kylo Ren was Rey’s father.

Finn was her brother.

Chewbacca was her cousin twice removed.

@mexinonblonde

You’re a big fat liar! And I don’t believe anything you say!
See if I get naked for you again!!

-Me to my scale as I step off of it

@tiemoose

FRODO: what is it?

SAM: if i take one more step, it’ll be the farthest away from home i’ve ever been

FRODO: *smiles* come on Sam

[literally one step later]

SAM: if i take one more step, it’ll be the farthest away from home i’ve ever been

FRODO: wait no

@InternetHippo

With people getting in trouble for yearbook content my high school strategy of not having friends or going to any parties is finally paying off

@HomeProbably

I’ve received so many Christmas cards from people I don’t know this year, probably because they weren’t addressed to me.

@WilliamAder

Starting to think the frog dissection skills I learned in high school are never going to pay off.

@WhaJoTalkinBout

Wearing shirts of bands you don’t listen to is like refusing to eat the cupcake, but cool walking around with frosting all over your face.

@animadvertguy

[Crime scene on set-your-clock-back-an-hour day]

INVESTIGATOR 1: Time of death?

INVESTIGATOR 2: [looks at microwave…then phone] uhhm hmm