@Papa_Mex: On the way in a fox ran across the road ahead of me...I slowed down pretty quick cuz i knew a bunch of English dudes on horses were next...
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@Brettagher: The best revenge is living well. Starting after you murder the person who wronged you.
@bourgeoisalien: I sign all my coworker's birthday cards, "Please know, this does not mean we're friends" just to avoid any future awkwardness.
@truegritrumble: Apparently I’m no longer allowed to walk my pet on public streets because it’s “scaring children” and "a crocodile.”
@Lola_Areola: Four year olds can't even go for cigarettes or anything. Four year olds are useless.