@Papa_Mex: On the way in a fox ran across the road ahead of me...I slowed down pretty quick cuz i knew a bunch of English dudes on horses were next...
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@johnfreiler: if you just show up to a delivery room in scrubs and carry a videocamera you can usually film like 7 or 8 births before they throw you out
@Douchekevin: Wife asked if I was going to take out the trash. Told her I didn't know her sister needed a ride home. I'm bleeding. Call 911
@PleaseBeGneiss: Wife: *looking through my yearbook* you have the exact same haircut Me: well I use a bigger bowl now