@MrJeberling: Once while eating bacon I said I was "getting piggy with it" and now I have no friends.
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@archerenemy: Twitter...because if it can't be described in 140 characters or less, did it really ever happen?
@junejuly12: My friend returned a Tupperware container without the lid, so now I’m offering a reward for its safe return.
@That_One_Dude24: I found my first grey pubic hair today. Normally these things don’t bother me but it was in my Big Mac.