@QwertyJones3

One hamburger please

CHICK-FIL-A: Sorry we only serve chicken here

Oh
*leaves*
*comes back wearing a chicken costume*
One hamburger please

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@Abusitron

Sales clerk: That handbag is very pleasing to the eye.

Customer: Really? I don’t like it.

Giant Disembodied Eye: YOU REALLY SHOULD BUY IT

@bonita_bish

A customer called and right away started yelling at the top of her lungs about something… I let her finish then happily told her she got the wrong number.

@delusions_of

Anything can be used as a dartboard. Like your coworker Jim who always says “another day in paradise”.

@ClichedOut

my gf: this guy is hitting on me, teach him a lesson

me: ok [to guy] tomatoes are technically fruits

@CaptainJerkwad

Went to a restaurant. The sign said “breakfast anytime.” So I ordered French toast during the renaissance

@clindsaysway

If Mt Vesuvius erupted over us right now, there’d be lots of shapes of people looking at their phones later on.

@TheRealRHB

I’m not saying I’ve let my house get filthy, but this is the second time I’ve caught my new Roomba trying to mail itself back to the factory