@WilliamAder: One more missile failure and the Acme Corp. is going to lose that North Korea contract.
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@Skoogeth: ME: *tying hotdogs together* Wife: I have the bologna shurikens cut out. We playing meat ninjas or not? Me: CALM DOWN! THE NUNCHUCKS ARE ALMOST READY!
@steveffootball: A girl at the bar just did a tequila shot and didn't make a face. We're getting married
@pharmasean: I'm rubber, you're glue. He's scissors, she's a toner cartridge, those fellas are paperclips. Welcome to the supply closet pal.
@Fred_Delicious: Good cop: u want a drink? Good cop 2: I love your shirt Good cop 3: ur so ripped dude Good cop 4: the bad cops are striking today, handsome