@SteveKerr

One of the more important commas I’ve seen in a long time…

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@pittdave13

As an adult you should already know shit like if you’re standing in the rain you should wear a rain coat and if you’re standing in a trench, you should wear a trench coat

@DagFizz

My finances would be a lot better if ATMs would ask me what I need the money for and then look at me disapprovingly before giving me half.

@Reverend_Scott

Batman: Introducing, the Robinmobile.

Robin: I’m so excited!

*curtain opens*

Robin: Bruce, that’s a car bed…

Batman: You’re welcome.

@thatUPSdude

That awkward moment when you pretend to be on the phone so you can avoid talking to someone, then your phone rings.

@MomOnFire

My son just said, “Peace on Earth, goodwill to men,” and shot me in the face with a Nerf™️ gun.

@steeve_again

Barney: I love you, you love me

Me: *rolling over in bed* look I thought this was a no strings thing

@AmericanGent69

My 4 year old niece won’t eat the grilled cheese I just made her because it looks funny. Kinda choosy for someone that just ate a crayon.