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@TheBeerGuy73: Only God can judge me.
*gets hit by lightning*
@sara_ashlynn: Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday.
Me, commenting on a Facebook picture.
@Cpin42: [watching basketball highlights] These guys never miss
@junejuly12: If anyone asks, I’m only watching three shirtless buff guys work on the neighbour’s roof because home improvement projects are super educational.
Dr., your client Tony is here
-Tony? The guy whose skin is made of bubble wrap
-Oh hell yes clear the rest of my schedule
@House_Feminist: going to red lobster does anyone need any red lobsters