Somewhere there’s a bat that witnessed their parents murder who now dresses like a human.
Oops. Everyone brought their “see you next year”s to work today and I only brought my throat slashing gesture.
You Might Also Like
The worst thing about coming home from a trip isn’t unpacking, it’s the looming threat of nuclear war
Whenever I feel sorry for myself, I take my children to the grocery store. And then there’s like 40 people feeling sorry for me.
How to Talk to Women Who Are Inside an MRI Tube
cop: do you know who the murderer is?
detective quasimodo: i have a [takes off sunglasses] decent lead
cop: [obviously disappointed] oh
detective quasimodo: what?
cop: it’s just i thought you were gonna say you had a… nvm it’s not important
Shia Labeouf always looks like he’s trying to teach math after someone just waved smelling salts under his nose.
Girls love a mysterious man, shiny things and a good chase. Supposedly that doesn’t mean put on a mask & run after her with a knife.
“I have no advice. I can’t talk! I am a building.” -Prison advice
There’s a whole world of people out there!
*closes the door*