YOUR PASSWORD IS TOO LITERAL PLEASE TRY AGAIN
ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW
Oppenheimer at the A-Bomb test saying “Now, I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds” only me exiting the bathroom after eating Taco Bell.
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baby wake up, it’s someday
Lady at the door asked if I’d found Jesus and I was all HOW IS HE MISSING, IT WAS YOUR DAY TO WATCH HIM. I don’t think she’ll be back.
You call it uneven eyeliner. I call it my Picasso Period.
A billion yahoo accounts got hacked, but the most surprising thing is that a billion people had yahoo accounts.
old lady: that’s not necessary
me: [installing twitter on her phone] look lady i carried your bags, the least u can do is follow me online
If you want to keep a secret from me, write it down and send it to me as a Facebook event invitation.
She has a weimerhi…wimerrihym….wimmerhie…
She has a big gray dog.
Work from home? I don’t even work from work.
People just like to argue.
People: No we don’t