A dashcam video of a cop lip-syncing and dancing to a Taylor Swift song went viral, which is just one more reason to hate the police.
OPTIMIST: this glass is Half Full
PESSIMIST: this glass is Half Empty
GLASS: actually my name is Carl
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Had a big mix up at the store today, apparently when the clerk said “strip down facing me,” she meant my credit card.
“Oh, hey! I didn’t even recognize you!” means “I saw you and tried to avoid you, but here you are.”
-So how can we help you today Mr Benson?
“Please. Mr Benson was my father.”
-Alright. So how can we help you today Mr Bensonson?
Stretching before working out is for wussies could someone please call 911?
Babies are like tattoos. They’re yours forever and maybe wait a few days before posting pictures of them so they’re not all gross looking.
Stop putting cauliflower where there once was something delicious.
I want you to be cuter than you are, but alas I am drunk and you are a tree.
I am NOT a grammar Nazi!
Taken 9 (2021): She got married she’s with her husband relax man