I startled a mom and her kids in the Back To School aisle today at work.
I came around the corner and yelled SUPPLIES!
Order a pizza then act confused when it arrives. “A delivery for Aaron? Aarons DEAD. He DIED ordering a pizza in this house 10 years ago”
You Might Also Like
Me *texting* I found a genie!
Wife: ok don’t do anything stupid
Me *finishing my 3rd taco* like what
🎶 That’s me in the corner
That’s me in the spot light
Eating a banana 🎶
CEO of KFC: “We must always respect our customers. That is so important.”
Ian: “Shall we still serve them food in a bucket?”
Honestly why do I bother attempting this shit
Me: Wouldn’t it be funny if a hawk swooped down and grabbed one of the kids?
Him: You need help.
Blessed are the teens who leave the kitchen cleaner than they found it.
Smoke a joint before hitting a buffet to really get your money’s worth…
[At a Christening]
Priest: I now pronounce you Chris and Chris. You may kiss the Chris.
Guests: *chanting* Chris Chris Chris.
Put on sunglasses. Now run past a crowd of people with your index finger on your ear screaming “SNIPER HAS BEEN SPOTTED SIR”