RIVAL: [plays move]
ME: [knocks board aside. punches rival in face] Chess!
COMMENTATOR: He’s won every round this way
How are you feeling?
*board begins spelling*
What the!? A cheesy board!?
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With a healthy diet and a little bit of exercise.
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Me: “Sounds good, I’m starving.”
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That’s not a typo, I only have a single ab
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EMPLOYEE: This is a traffic cone?
ME: You must be new here.
Danke for calling Germany.
To order beer, press 1.
To order weapons, press 2.
To order philosophy, press 1 until it resembles a 2.
This morning I woke from a dream. I have no memory of it except that I was asking someone, “Is constipation a problem for fish?”