Me: Woohoo, I survived Thanksgiving! I can relax now.
Our UPS guy has won 389 FitBit challenges just from walking back and forth to our front door.
You Might Also Like
Whenever I meet a new baby, I stand still and let it come up to me and smell my hand first before I try to pet it
I like dating chicks with kids, because snacks
I blanked when I got to the counter at Starbucks and said “vodka soda” and she said “huh” and I said “huh” and then we stared at each other until I remembered I was there for coffee.
ME: The enmity we feel toward someone with our name who spells it differently is just silly.
ALLISON: I agr-
ME: WHO ASKED YOU TWO L’s?!
Just watched the first half of Goodfellas, and it’s great. Being in the mob looks super fun, can’t wait to watch the second half where I assume the good times continue to roll.
9 out of 10 child psychologists believe TV’s shouldn’t be babysitters
9 out of 10 child psychologists don’t have children
[reading online survey]
Are you ready to double your satisfaction?
My god this sounds wildly inappropriate.
You know that feeling you get when you meet someone and your heart skips a beat?
Ya, that’s arrhythmia. You can die from that.