Stuffs more popcorn in my face*
Why don’t bad guys in movies just paint the red wire green?
Overheard 2 dad’s at the playground wondering if my kid was as creepy as me.
Joke’s on them. I don’t have kids.
You Might Also Like
I live in a high crime neighbourhood if you count downloading gardening shows illegally.
It’s not illegal to tell a ghost story when a cop shines a flashlight in your face
You learn something new everyday. Yesterday I learned eating 29 SlimJims gives me diarrhea. Today I learned eating 28 also gives me diarrhea
Maybe if Red Bull gave me buffalo wings i’d give a shit.
I used to wonder how anybody could possibly drop a cell phone in the toilet. Used to.
So the ex texted me
Who’s ready for Friday?!
My car keeps doing that thing where I get in it and suddenly I’m at the McDonald’s drive-thru
To punish me, my 2yr old shuts herself in her room. She can shut, but not open, doors. She ends up trapped in a self-imposed timeout. #irony