You Might Also Like

@twitinfected

Went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and I only spent $9,000.00

@handsock_butts

Apparently even if you build your own Viking warship, raiding and taking over a village is still, like, SUPER illegal.

@TheAndrewNadeau

ME: *Opening my office Secret Santa gift and it’s a loaf of bread* Wooow, well, thank you, to WHOEVER this was from!

MY ONLY DUCK COWORKER: *Whispers excitedly* It was me. I was your Secret Santa.

@Brianhopecomedy

My son is explaining why my daughter is crying but I’m not buying it as I don’t think she can even say, “Please kick me in the face”.

@johnbiehl

Enrique Iglesias wants to
1. Be your hero
2. Kiss away your pain
3. Stand by you forever
Enrique Iglesias is your mother

@HeyoShellz

My therapist says I’m making progress but that’s only because I lie to her

@CheeseDaydreams

Let’s be honest, if I were to time travel to medieval Europe, I’d drink all the mead, and then promptly forget what I was there to do

@thenatewolf

“You do realize it’s a crime to lie in court, right?”

*I think for a moment and then move my hands closer together*