@hunz74: Owls are like scary Mr. Potato Heads that fly.
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@Shen_the_Bird: me: before you hire me, you should know i take things interviewer: like what? me: time and care interviewer: oh haha me: also xanax, company money, and two-hour morning shits
@fakemikemulloy: *buying beer* CASHIER: how old are you? ME, 19 YEARS OLD: 22, I was born on May 7, 1982 at 8:45 am, it was a cloudy day about 45 degrees, Olivia Newton John’s “Physical” was topping the charts ME, 32 YEARS OLD: ummmm, thirty something? Like 32, maybe 33. What year is now?