Once again, I was not nominated for an Oscar this morning for acting my way through life.
I wanna open a cheese store called The Parmacy.
“Come on in for a Gouda time!”
I see you have a meat smoker, but no wife. I will find you a sturdy woman in return for brisket.
A warm tortilla will open up your pores nicely. Don’t ask me how I know this.
Ears are great for tucking your hair behind in the wind. Big shout out to ears.
I’m turning the tables on “big beef” and from here on out I’m only eating beef fed grass!
i haven’t exaggerated in like a million years
I have accidentally spilled an entire jar of marmalade inside my hat.
The song “I’ll Make a Man Out of You” from Mulan just hits different when Dr. Frankenstein sings it.
I find it very sad how Wile E. Coyote is only remembered for his failures, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels.
You know that person who shoves scared skydivers out of the plane? I think i’d like that job
If a roomba and a swiffer had a baby, my goodness wouldn’t the house be clean.
I’m holding off buying a robot vacuum, until my robot is filthy.
With all the fake information out there I refuse to believe scales or mirrors.
you also like cloning? well that makes two of us