Why are the produce aisles empty but the booze aisles fully stocked? I guess I’m in luck!
Gallant is a goddamn psychopath.
Voodoo map
Me: finally got my dream car, now when is my dream man gonna come along?
My husband:
I still have dents in my head from sleeping in hair curlers
It’s Mental Health Day today.
– Sent from the app that literally causes anxiety.
Is it stupid and irresponsible? Yes. Will it make me happy? Also yes.
Stephen King’s It is the bone chilling story about adults who are forced to spend time with their childhood friends.
I met a girl who runs a battery kiosk at the park.
She sells c-cells by the seesaw
Me: whoa look at the size of that spider!
Hostess: want me to get you a tissue for it?
Me: why…did it sneeze?
Telling everyone I’m an undecided voter bc I need the attention
My dream car is a taco truck.
Halloween decorations are expensive. Ghosts will re-decorate your house for free 👻
My lawyer dropped his briefcase and nunchuks fell out
that’s just… not what monogamy means??
