I’m sick of teeth being so high maintenance. Cleaning? Day AND night?? Or you fall out? You don’t see the other bones acting this way. Seriously, grow up.
You think you’re having a hard day? I’ve had to listen to someone chew AND lick their fingers clean
Me being confident.
I am 99% sure I did it, well 90% anyway.
Ok.. 50%.
Did I do it?
I was just in Italy telling Rihanna how I hate when people lie to appear cool
It’s almost September so here’s a list of all the fun things I’ve done this Summer:
1-
2-
3-
4-
5- sweat
My kid: mumma where are you going?
Me: I’m going to meet my really old friends
My kid: you mean friends your age?
Me: ‘really old’ meaning from long ago
My kid: so same
If you’re a tire company you shouldn’t say you work tirelessly
My period is really late so I’m starting to think about baby names:
For a girl- Menopausalia
For a boy- HotFlash
“I’s up here!” – Popeye calling down from the crow’s nest.
We didn’t lose power, so my fantasy about seducing linemen as a thank you will have to wait for the next storm
Me: I’m feeling really good about my situation right now
The Universe: hold my beer
Libra: Many good things are in store for you! Unfortunately, the store is closed for repairs.
When you want to key his car, but he doesn’t have one, so you bend his bus pass.
ME: my contract says I can work from home
BOSS: *pushes me out the door* not at mine
How quickly family vacations go from omg we only have 4 days left to omg we still have 4 days left