Who called it a French guy that has a cat rather than Jean clawed?
Looking at the huge commercial success of the ‘Barbie’ movie means I’m already bracing myself for the inevitable ‘Mr. Clean’ movie starring Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson.
We can put a man on the moon but we can’t find a good way to drink wine from a lying down position.
people often debate spf levels, but i’ve always found the most effective sunscreen to be the roof of an air conditioned house
I optimistically invited guests for this weekend while my house was unusually clean and now a week later I see why that was a mistake
I’m never more in denial than when I pack running clothes for a weekend trip to the beach.
Just got back from seeing my naturopath and she suggested a treatment plan that involves improved diet and exercise.
The nerve of some health experts.
The closest I come to hiking is when I eat trail mix.
What’s a retweet called now?
I vote Xerox.
Things I can’t tell if missus saying to me or animals.
Food is ready.
Don’t lick that.
Don’t hump that.
Stop growling.
I love you.
Put your penis away.
Get back here.
Don’t eat that.
Get out.
Come here.
What are you doing with my underwear?
Don’t bite.
Whoever has my voodoo doll can you give it a job
No one:
My dog on our 6 am walk: this is my emotional support dirty sock
The only sunscreen that’s 100% effective is abstinence
I wonder if BBQ thinks about me too.
the banana is probably the most versatile fruit – can’t think of another fruit that can also be used as a gun, boomerang, or phone