I’m hosting a mommy group next week and am thinking of buying a bunch of “how to parent a genius” type books to leave around the house.
My 10 yo is talking to me past 9 pm. Why is he attacking me like this?
I think it’s crazy that we can accidentally make people, but we can’t accidentally make dinner. How nice would it be at the end of the day if we were like I wasn’t really trying to make dinner, but uh… it’s made.
Me 7 hours into an 8 hour car ride: Do you want me to drive?
Husband:
Clock: “You need to get up in 6 hours.”
Me: “No you’re mistaken. First I need to Google the lyrics to that song from 9th grade, and then find the episode with the scene where they played that song on BH 90210.”
All I’m saying is once your kid passes first grade you can stop spending $$$ on school pictures. Second grade and up always gets their pictures taken after recess.
Meteorologist: FINALLY getting some cooler weather around here!
Me: Phew just in time for me to move my stepson to college on Monday.
Meteorologist: Except for Monday which will be 187 degrees.
me: want to go hunting this weekend?
friend: sure i’m game.
me: oh then you probably shouldn’t come.
16: They asked me for my email.
12: Email? That’s like something only moms use!
16: Ewww, I know!
*how my kids take a dig at me without even trying to take a dig at me
Twitter is fun because you can post a pic of pizza and people will get mad at you.
why does the radiologist run behind that wall like they just pulled the pin out of a grenade wtf
Yesterday I went to a fight and a baseball game broke out.
I’ve realized about a third of my life is spent trying to ignore the fact that I have to pee.
Had some boneless watermelon for dinner and it was delicious.
Needless to say…*
*mic drop