When I buy a multipack of lip balms, I put one in my purse and scatter the rest randomly around the house to save time from the inevitability of losing them.
working on a name for my new business
my buddy says I can’t call it “Guillotines For Billionaires” because it sounds like we’re trying to sell the guillotines to the billionaires, which we are not
Those who do not remember the past are doomed to lose on Jeopardy.
Gonna put this on a dog and blow some minds
I never knew an entire box of cereal was a serving size until I had a teenage son.
Winnipeg!!
I’m not good at quickly making up derogatory names on the fly, unless I’m driving.
I am thick and tired. 🙄
In other news, I found my car keys in the air fryer.
just had an email from my barber saying that his shop is back open and offering ‘one to one appointments’, which implies the existence of the somewhat terrifying ‘group haircut’
Basically, any European coat of arms:
That time a cat set off an atomic bomb in my coffee
Silence of the Lambs is so relatable to me cuz I also understand the importance of moisturizing
could’ve been anyone
