He took my last fry, your honor
I’m just a girl standing in front of a cat who followed me to the bathroom.
If these walls could talk they would definitely say wow this guy really does add cheese to everything after all
Fans that catch foul balls at baseball games should count as outs. Imagine professional athletes swarming some random dude with mustard on his face to end the 9th inning
I just tried to make coffee with my air fryer, so TGIF
Kids: The floor is lava
God: Soon
me: i hope i die suddenly and without warning
friend: agreed when i’m old i hope it’s abrupt and not drawn out
me: old?
Oh no, we don’t go in there. That room belongs to the spiders.
I’m half potato on my dad’s side
Buying new glasses this week, so a whole bunch of you are about to get a whole lot uglier.
I overheard my neighbor say, “she has SO MANY pigeons in her yard,” but I couldn’t tell if she was impressed or concerned.
Remember friend.
A $5 iced latte a day is $25 a week, $100 a month, $1200 a year.
After 10 years.. that’s $12,000!
Which is still nowhere near enough to put a down payment on a house so enjoy your espresso in peace.
i dont really try to ‘make’ ‘friends’ on twitter im more like a wild deer and if you interact with me enough i may become accustomed to your scent enough to eat a carrot out of your hand
I hate it when people don’t know the difference between “You’re” and “Your”
There stupid…
As a woman I personally am looking forward to aging. I seriously cannot wait to use my senior discount at the diner, dye my white hair the same pink as Frenchie from Grease, & put tennis balls on my walker. I’m just gonna be so good at being old.