I’ve just got a job making plastic Draculas.
There are only 2 of us on the production line, so I have to make every second Count.
I always carry a knife w me in case i run into someone w 10,000 spoons.
Ok, so maybe the best time to break the news about how many years of school there are was NOT after a rough day at kindergarten.
What’s the difference between a bowl of wilted lettuce and a depressing song?
One is a bad salad and the other is a sad ballad.
Me, to myself: you are your harshest critic and no one else will notice your face is breaking out
3: Mommy! Is that a pimple? Is that a pimple? Wow, you have so many pimples! They’re everywhere!
If I win Poweball we’re all gonna have a party with SOOO much cocai…cake!
I think that McDonalds is putting an unhealthy amount of lettuce in the Big Macs these days.
I want a pet eagle that’s trained to steal people’s sandwiches for me.
Making fun of bands that only play 3 chords when I don’t even know what a chord is.
I can’t be your sugar daddy, but I can be your candy corn man. I’m on a budget here.
Oh baby let me lick your [Googs term for spiral pasta real quick]
I’m going spiraling, do you need anything?
a bathrobe is being naked with plausible deniability and pockets.
I AM dressing for the job I want (I want to be a sweatpants model)
Told my Mom I wanted to put googley eyes on random things in the grocery store and she told me to wear latex gloves so my fingerprints won’t end up at the scene of a crime so yes I am afraid of her.