I am thick and tired. 🙄
In other news, I found my car keys in the air fryer.
just had an email from my barber saying that his shop is back open and offering ‘one to one appointments’, which implies the existence of the somewhat terrifying ‘group haircut’
Basically, any European coat of arms:
That time a cat set off an atomic bomb in my coffee
Silence of the Lambs is so relatable to me cuz I also understand the importance of moisturizing
could’ve been anyone
Me: *smugly* I couldn’t name any Taylor Swift Songs
Them: I think she already named them.
Sorry I can’t carpool to work. That’s the 20 minutes I use to angry scream.
Halloween is great because it combines two of my favorite hobbies: driving out to a wet farm to handpick the heaviest inedible vegetable I can find, and taking my small disguised children out past their bedtimes to roam the streets in darkness
It must be hard for a vampire to floss their fangs when they can’t see their reflection in a mirror.
that time you heard your best friend swear in front of his mom
yeah nice try. not falling for that again
