My grandfather poured his blood, sweat and tears into his career.
Amazing man. Horrible chef.
One time, I swallowed a dictionary whole.
It was thesaurus throat I’ve ever had.
i don’t get it when people say they are only a “little” angry, i am either not mad or will murder you
when all you have is a rotisserie everything looks like a chicken
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”
Well I sure as shit felt better at 21 so imma call bullshit
I giveth and I taketh away because I recycleth.
Just seen my doctor about the fake pain in my leg. He’s diagnosed me with pretendonitis.
I hate having a ton of anxiety and no energy. It’s like having a tank full of gas and no engine
Siri just told me that traffic is light and I can make it home in 7 minutes. I am home. Where tf does she think we’re at right now.
In case anyone was wondering if I’m this bad in real life too
(putting my jacket over a woman’s shoulders) I’m actually really cold now haha. It’s ok though. Oh wow it’s super cold. Oh my god
My 7yo asked “why doesn’t mommy eat ice cream?” And my husband and I laughed and laughed and laughed because every night after the kids go to sleep I eat a giant mug full of ice cream.
This was the very first time she’s appeared to be impressed by me.
Me: My name is Daniel Kibblesmith and I will be performing Defying Gravity from Wicked
Casting Director: This audition is for a water-logged corpse on Law & Order
Me: And I have some ideas
