Try my 6 ways to be a millionaire by 40. They wont work, but try them.
You can put refrigerator magnets on your car, too. There are no rules.
As soon as I finish building this trebuchet, I, too, shall be a flight risk
I’m terrible at balloon animals but pretty decent with balloon amoeba
Too many toilets have automatically flushed underneath me for me not to have reservations about self-driving cars
Hey all,
I regret to admit this, but tonight I took my kids on a walk.
From their intense whining I have come to see that I caused them deep distress by exposure to sunshine, breeze, and friendly waves from neighbors.
Forgive me—I will do better next time.
~a dad, trying
My almost 2 y/o can now open our pantry door and that MF’er won’t stop bringing me cans of soup.
Sometimes I rock it as a parent, other times I drop my phone on my sleeping child’s face while taking a picture of them. It’s called balance.
Before I had kids I wasn’t a morning person but after parenting for years I can finally look at the beautiful sunrise every day and say, I’m still not
me: do that thing i like
him: stops blocking the kitchen drawer i need to get into
Her: could things get any worse?
Me: *adds raisins* there you go.
I really want a family
sized bag of peanut butter m&ms
I know for a fact that the devil exists because I have to pee real bad every time I finish chopping a jalapeño
*watching Only Murders In The Building*
Me: “Where are all the crows?”
Work meetings would be a lot more fun if they took place in a giant McDonalds ball pit