Nobody seems more shocked, disappointed and dismayed than the person behind the Post Office counter when I arrive and say I’ve got something to post.
Show me a better name for a sugar company.
It’s Fat Bear Week, and they have been storing fat all year for the coming winter. Cute, considering that I’ve been doing that for decades and get absolutely no recognition
*staring at a ripped hoodie from 2002*
*glances over at a pile of new hoodies*
Me: Yep, time to stitch you up again, little buddy.
me: in the song WE call “The Monster Mash” it references a party where The Monster Mash was played. Which means the REAL Monster Mash had to have existed before the song we’re hearing, but we have no idea what it is.
host of the halloween party: how did you set up a powerpoint?
friend saw this guy on the apps lol
handing out tuna steaks for trick or treat
JK it’s spam
Are they really a personal trainer, or do they just want to wear shorts to work every day.
you never realize how long a minute is until you’re doing cardio.
I’m not a morning person or a night person. I identify as a mid-afternoon snack.
I really need a sledgehammer for perfectly harmless reasons.
It’s been six months since my last haircut. It might be time to close my barbershop.
“Make Them Riot” was my band in high school. We did reggae covers of Carpenters songs.