I really need a sledgehammer for perfectly harmless reasons.
It’s been six months since my last haircut. It might be time to close my barbershop.
“Make Them Riot” was my band in high school. We did reggae covers of Carpenters songs.
Seeing ads for bras is so funny cause it’s like seeing an ad for a house. I’m only gonna buy one, maybe two in my life. Chill out
Happy #NationalPoetryDay 🙂
BEETROOT
Beetroot, beetroot
Purple, earthy treat root
Come hither to my house with meBeetroot, beetroot
Purple, earthy treat root
I long to roast you for my tea#NationalPoetryDay
My fitness goal is to lose two straight jacket sizes.
Don’t worry, you’ll find the lost scissors when you’ll be searching for your glasses
My boss said to me,
“Why do you come out in a rash every time I give you your wages?”
I said, “It’s because I’m allergic to fcuking peanuts!”
If you innocently act like you don’t know, people will explain dirty words to you and it’s hilarious.
Sure sex is great, but have you found an awesome clean washroom when you desperately had to pee?
