What do you text your spouse?
You know what I respect about Shaquille O’Neal? He endorses and invests in everything. Gold Bond? Yes. Papa John’s? Hell yeah. Epson printers? You know it. I just saw his name on an office chair at Office Depot. This man owns 150 Five Guys. That’s 750 guys
hate the questions they ask you when you go through customs. “do you have any friends in canada” no bro and why are you rubbing it in
This is Miles. He was asked what he was doing. And explained very clearly. 13/10
You did. You thought of vanilla with meat, you absurd rutabaga. Go put yourself in the corner and think about what you’ve done, while blaming the recipe author for your own stupidity.
(Recipe was for Hamburger Steak with Onions and Gravy)
journal
There’s a mirror on marketplace and the listing says “never used” like what do you mean???
[yelling into desk phone] I’ve got Giacomo Bologna on the banana shortage
dark side of the loom
The only reason I insist on returning to the office is because my cat needs a break from me staring at him all day.
I don’t know why these ingrates at the corn maze are so upset. All I did was lead them to safety with these two hands and a machete.
Nobody seems more shocked, disappointed and dismayed than the person behind the Post Office counter when I arrive and say I’ve got something to post.
Show me a better name for a sugar company.
