Was getting into my electric car and a dude was like “I’ve heard those are worse than normal cars for the environment.”
“Oh yeah, way worse. That’s why I got it.”Just agree with people. They have nowhere to go.
The eighties were great except for all the spinning right ‘round like a record.
Girlfriend: Why can’t you ever take anything seriously?
Me: *Miss Piggy voice* Moi?!
[8 eating some chips]
8: Can I eat the whole bag?
Me: No, just the chips that are inside
Ok… so wireless bra’s don’t have any internet connectivity, we all make mistakes, can we just move on now.
Thoughts and Prayers aren’t working, it’s time to start pitching folks into a volcano
Of course the Midwest takes sports very seriously, what else are we going to obsess over…corn?
Inevitably, you will meet someone who looks like a sturgeon. Now that you know, it won’t take you by surprise.
Pitching “Oppenheimer’s Dream House.”
Most common statement made to me at the class reunion, “I heard you were dead.”
People assume I am stupid because I am nice and smiley and a helper and that’s working out for me so why fight it
Tinder: Meet people within a few miles
Twitter: Meet people within a few thousand miles
Anything is free if you can outrun security.
The more you know.
*puts one hand on hip, sips tea, stares out of the window at the rain*
“This is just ridiculous”
One of the Monkees once told me that looking at Medusa would *actually* turn you into a baby semiaquatic rodent, but I had my doubts. Then I saw her face, now I’m a wee beaver.