At bath time, my 4-year-old asked if he could use “the other bath.” We only have one, so, filled with curiosity, I grabbed his little hand and asked him to show me. Kid led me to the dishwasher.
Me: What are you going to wear on the first day of school?
9-year-old: My coolest shirt.
Me: What about the second day?
9: My coolest shirt again.
I’m going to be doing a lot of laundry.
difference between a pillow fort & a high death jump into the coffee table is a parent who isn’t looking
As a wife and mother my hobbies include rage cleaning, rage cooking, and rage folding.
If you’re cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and continue to participate in family game night.
My son is at that age where he’s curious about the human body.
I’ll have to hide it somewhere else now.
A man rejecting my advances can’t hurt me. I have a dog who leaves the bed every time I climb in.
Caught my kid wiping their boogers on the couch which is gross because I don’t want our boogers mixing.
My uterus has decided that every single time I come to the beach this summer is period time.
I often message people with the weird idea that they’ll message me back.
You’d think the heat and humidity would steam some of the wrinkles out of my body
I’m a Leo so I just eat the other astrological signs.
When Dorothy told the scarecrow she’d miss him most, I wanted the lion and tin man to set him on fire. I told my parents that, in case they got any ideas about showing favoritism.
It’s weird when my cat paces around on the front porch as if she’s in some intense conversation. I mean, I even checked her for ear buds.
pros and cons of being the last person alive on earth, according to my 8 year old:
con: loneliness
pro: every dog on the planet now belongs to you