me, on a business trip calling my kids on my last night: how was your day?
6: it was good, but tomorrow is going to be great!
me: aw, because I’m coming home?
6: because it’s “dress like a winter animal day”
Do you look ludicrous in tight, illuminous clothing? Or enjoy paying a fortune to tear ligaments? What about going fast and stopping by slamming your face against a tree? You do? Then why not book a skiing holiday?
Why did they call it a Megalodon and not a Sea-Rex
Tried to make a friendly comment about how I liked my neighbor’s very autumnal outfit, but I swerved too hard into friendliness, soared past over-familiarity, and landed on the arguably hostile “well if it isn’t Mr. Fall”
Somedays I just love AI so much
💀💀
Shout out to everyone who, like me, missed the northern lights for the second time in 2024.
Girls don’t want boys. Girls want the 12-foot skeleton from Home Depot.
Dating app for hypochondriacs called Twinge.
☠️ ☠️
✨☝️✨
