Nothing refreshes my memory of what I need at the grocery store like coming home from the grocery store.
I took a shower bc hobo is an aesthetic not a scent
If Dean is Dean then why is Sean Shawn?
Not to brag but I gave someone directions and he made it.
I just put the crockpot on the counter.
Which is basically the Bat Signal for ✨starting tomorrow we’ll be eating the same thing for the next three days✨
studying the Sphinx using Pharoahdynamics
Me: “I don’t make everything sexual”
*plugs phone into charger*
“You like that huh?”
I’m at my sexiest when I choke on rice and a piece gets lodged at the back of my nose and I’m snorting and sniffing and blowing to try and dislodge it.
Heard a young person say that if you’re over 40, your bedtime should be before 10. I was immediately offended until I realized mine is 9:45
My husband & I finally have an afternoon away from the kids. And then our son texts the family group chat:
“So do we have super glue?”
Son won’t eat sandwich I made him but will lick dog bowl
Salsa counts as a serving of vegetables, right?
Me typing: univrsity
Autocorrect: Hey I caught a typo.
Me: Haha oops.
Autocorrect: You meant to say “U never city”
Me: Why would I say that?
Autocorrect: I fixed it and sent it to your dad.
My rose versus your carnation.
FLORAL COMBAT!
The early 2000s
My friends: I met a boy in a chat room, he was so cool
Me: *having just roleplayed a sword wielding, scarred half elf in a tavern chat room* yes I also very boys