WebMD says I’m in good
shape so I’m not worried
about a thing.
I was on a first date last night and temperature by sean paul came on. how do you keep your cool in that situation? I didn’t. made eye contact with one other dude who saw the shoulder shimmy and gave me a nod which felt validating honestly
Because I fall sleep listening to the meditation video, I’ve never actually heard the end of it. They could play Beethoven’s Fifth on kazoos at the end for all I know.
Come and get your love.
I don’t deliver. Take out only.
I hate this app so much. This rebrand is awful. If you need to reach me, you can find me here engaging in content and regularly posting
Why didn’t they call it Guardians of the Galaxthree
mad respect to the toddler that stuck their head under the gas station bathroom stall today to say hey
If a man shows up with cotton eyes, my first question won’t be about his travel itinerary.
I fought the law* and the law* won.
*duvet cover
Arkansas is just Kansas for pirates.
I bet the person who named the fireplace also named the waterfall
she is beauty, she is grace
she crams french fries in her face
if you’re not in my circle of trust , you’re probably in my triangle of suspicion or rhombus of doubt.
meeting mom’s new boyfriend for the first time and I’ll be looking for the first possible opportunity to scream “UR NOT MY REAL DAD” then slam a door
Why’d they call it an “aquarium” instead of a “Here fish-see fish-see”