Oh sure so it’s okay for Jesus to raise people back from the dead, but when I, Victor Frankenstein,
“Mommy why does Santa’s handwriting look like the tooth fairy’s handwriting?”
11: dad I have a confession
me: oh boy. What.
11: last night before you said it was bedtime I made a plate of nachos and put them under my bed. Then I ate them after bed time
me: 😂 how did you get your brother not to tattle?
9: I paid him off in nachos
People clown on Sun Tzu for giving really basic and obvious advice but keep in mind that emperors and nobles at the time were drinking mercury to become immortal. I think he knew his audience.
Unfair that the older I get, the clearer photo quality gets.
He’s making a list,
And checking it twice,
You’re gonna find number 12
Very hard to believe.
Santa Clause is working
for Buzzfeed.
You don’t scare me. You’re not a trip to Costco on the weekend 10 days before Christmas.
is the cheesecake factory menu on audible bc i’m not reading all that.
if i gave birth in a barn and then a little boy came in and started playing the drums I would throw the baby at him
Cooking a roast dinner is much better than having one cooked for you, because you can eat pretty much a whole extra serving while you’re making it. For instance, I just “tested” three roast potatoes. Next I’m going to test a Yorkshire pudding.
Such a cozy feeling to learn the reason your kid can’t sleep is because they hear whispers in their room.
Bartenders be like ” heres that receipt, i’ll go ahead and put it on the wettest part of the bar”
“YOU’RE GONNA GET THE HELL OVER HERE AND WATCH THIS CHRISTMAS MOVIE WITH US AS A FAMILY AND YOU’RE GONNA HAVE CHRISTMAS JOY!!”
– And other fun christmas things I say to my kids
They say if you see something, say something. Of course they’ll tell you to go be crazy somewhere else, but still.
it is so crazy how many hours are actually in a day when u wake up before 11:30 am…..wow………do people know about this