Come and get your love.
I don’t deliver. Take out only.
I hate this app so much. This rebrand is awful. If you need to reach me, you can find me here engaging in content and regularly posting
Why didn’t they call it Guardians of the Galaxthree
mad respect to the toddler that stuck their head under the gas station bathroom stall today to say hey
If a man shows up with cotton eyes, my first question won’t be about his travel itinerary.
I fought the law* and the law* won.
*duvet cover
Arkansas is just Kansas for pirates.
I bet the person who named the fireplace also named the waterfall
she is beauty, she is grace
she crams french fries in her face
if you’re not in my circle of trust , you’re probably in my triangle of suspicion or rhombus of doubt.
meeting mom’s new boyfriend for the first time and I’ll be looking for the first possible opportunity to scream “UR NOT MY REAL DAD” then slam a door
Why’d they call it an “aquarium” instead of a “Here fish-see fish-see”
Them: Your body is your friend.
Me: Friends don’t wake you up at 4am.
The stages of sharing a vacation rental with another family are:
1. Wish we were more like them
2. At least we’re not like them
My childhood led me to believe that as an adult I’d have to contend with truth serum, lava, quicksand, trap doors, and secret passageways. So far it’s mostly been weight gain and existential dread.