Just got back from seeing my naturopath and she suggested a treatment plan that involves improved diet and exercise.
The nerve of some health experts.
The closest I come to hiking is when I eat trail mix.
What’s a retweet called now?
I vote Xerox.
Things I can’t tell if missus saying to me or animals.
Food is ready.
Don’t lick that.
Don’t hump that.
Stop growling.
I love you.
Put your penis away.
Get back here.
Don’t eat that.
Get out.
Come here.
What are you doing with my underwear?
Don’t bite.
Whoever has my voodoo doll can you give it a job
No one:
My dog on our 6 am walk: this is my emotional support dirty sock
The only sunscreen that’s 100% effective is abstinence
I wonder if BBQ thinks about me too.
the banana is probably the most versatile fruit – can’t think of another fruit that can also be used as a gun, boomerang, or phone
My kid, 6: What’s the biggest structure a civil engineer has made?
Also my kid: Which way does the L go?
No one is more drunk with power than a toddler who has learned to use a cup with no lid or straw
I told my toddler that I loved her and she blew raspberries at me. Not quite the response I’d expected.
taking myself on a date tomorrow I really hope I put out
“I do law stuff” – attorney general
“I serve as the chief legal adviser to the Crown and the Government”
– attorney specific
I love travelling because I love to check if I have my passport every 3-4 minutes 🥰