It is the year 2047. After making a movie based on every single one of its theme park rides, Disney is forced to make a movie about the line for the Disney World bathroom.
Two hundred dollars for a women鈥檚 blazer?? Am I paying it to do the work for me??
Are you actually cleaning the house if you haven鈥檛 shouted at everyone in it?
waiting for the right context to watch oppenheimer (about 5 years from now on a 8 inch screen in an intercontinental flight)
As we were driving passed a prison on vacation my 12 year old nephew lamented, “aww, I’ve never gotten to see the inside of a real jail.” I deadpanned, “It’ll happen, Sean, just give it a few years.” Y’all, my 7 year old erupted in laughter and explained the insult & I’m just 馃槶
Where do surfers learn to surf?
At boarding school.
Just broke a clothes hanger and now have seven years of bad outfits.
The people who choose the “healthier option” at McDonald’s get a bad wrap.
I ain’t typing “X” into the URL bar my wife is right behind me
i am single and looking for someone amazing! but if my ex is reading this i have 12 boyfriends and they have all proposed to me
How is the medicine expired already? I only bought it *checks notes* 9 years ago.
i鈥檓 sorry but why are there new episodes of shark week? shouldn鈥檛 the sharks be on strike?
sometimes i sneeze so loud and hard i think i鈥檓 a dad
Well, I鈥檝e put it off long enough. I guess I should check on those wraith-like noises coming from the attic. I鈥檒l be right back.
Medical offices are like “download our patient portal where we’ll post your lab results then fax us your request for a username and password”