My son graduated preschool last week, so naturally I’m saving all his artwork in the basement so I can give it to him when he’s 37.
7: “I know why pee is yellow. Because you have to squeeze to get pee out, like a lemon.”
Your honor these allegations are
Someone used my email address for their discord account so I logged into their account and deleted it lol.
I realize climate change may be a problem but it doesn’t have retail employees I can record myself yelling at so what do you want from me
Sometimes I just sit and admire the gray in my husband’s beard, how distinguished it’s becoming, and think “I DID THAT”
yes, those are my real potatoes.
On tonight’s episode of regrettable parenting decisions, I gave my 3 yo slime and specifically told her not to put it in her hair. You can guess where the slime was ten minutes later.
You know you’re a mom when you need deep, calming breaths because he’s eating two hot pockets, 10 minutes before dinner.
Parenting books don’t prepare you for the moment your seven year old asks for Brussels sprouts in his lunchbox
Abundance: what a man with a manbun does when he hears music.
lmao
Me: spreads bacon grease on my toast
Also me: how did I gain weight this week?
the guy who keeps stealing my packages is really gonna love my latest order, “giant beehive (1 count)”