9am: Nice try, Amazon, I’m not falling for the Prime Day BS again.
9:22am: *Reading reviews for commercial soft-serve ice cream makers*
No one makes more observations than a child sharing a stall with his mother inside a public restroom.
What do you mean my back has experienced trauma and needs time to recover? It hasn’t seen combat, I just bent over.
Melted butter is an essential oil, right?…..right??
sitcoms would be a lot more believable if they had 5 loads of laundry waiting to be folded on the sofa
Did I just trip in public? Yes. Do I even care that a bunch of people saw me? Also yes.
I’d be really slim if it wasn’t for birthdays, anniversaries, Easter, Christmas, Mother’s Day, weekends and me.
The baby’s favorite food is strawberries and she calls them, “the babies.” We got looks in the store when she asked loudly to eat the babies
I found a message in a bottle. It said: don’t pollute.
I finally spilled coffee over my favourite t shirt and now I can wear it all day any day.
Daughters wanted to show support for me so they wrote out, “I LOVE D!” and – adore them – but THAT’S gonna get an immediate course correction
how come some families are all, like, “we’re direct descendants of many important historical figures,” & my family is all, like, “that raccoon is your uncle cletus.”
I like that the same two questions are still unanswered from my childhood.. what’s the meaning of life? And can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?
Indiana Jones and the Childproof Cap
The first workout after vacation week reminds you of how many cheeseburgers you had while on vacation