We’re over here teaching our kids math and history when what we really need to be teaching them is how to open a package or box of food without mangling it beyond recognition.
Real bees work best
A haunted house but it’s just people making different mouth noises in every room
Please, if you ever offer me a snack and I say no, ask me again, I didn’t mean it the first time
Why are the produce aisles empty but the booze aisles fully stocked? I guess I’m in luck!
Gallant is a goddamn psychopath.
Voodoo map
Me: finally got my dream car, now when is my dream man gonna come along?
My husband:
I still have dents in my head from sleeping in hair curlers
It’s Mental Health Day today.
– Sent from the app that literally causes anxiety.
Is it stupid and irresponsible? Yes. Will it make me happy? Also yes.
Stephen King’s It is the bone chilling story about adults who are forced to spend time with their childhood friends.
I met a girl who runs a battery kiosk at the park.
She sells c-cells by the seesaw
Me: whoa look at the size of that spider!
Hostess: want me to get you a tissue for it?
Me: why…did it sneeze?
Telling everyone I’m an undecided voter bc I need the attention