to celebrate the 30th anniversary of Jurassic Park we will be switching off 30 of the world’s most important electric fences.
An epiphany I had earlier today: Most people know nothing about the past, so for them movies like Oppenheimer and Napoleon don’t have known endings
“So after the battle of Waterloo-”
“Shut up man, spoiler warning please”
My friend is really mad that the same team keeps winning her local pub quiz so she’s recruiting literally everyone can think of to join hers because they don’t have team size limits, and I can’t wait for her to become the reason they implement team size limits.
The mailman asked me to stop my dog from barking and not sure why he thinks I’d side with him, the guy that brings me bills and catalogues I hate, over my dog, the guy that is the most handsome boy in the entire world.
“turn your passion into a career” my passion is not working
She has the grace of a puncture wound and the charm of a tetanus shot.
Writing ‘thanks.’ instead of ‘thanks!’ so you know I’m mad
Going into a teenagers room is like going to IKEA…
You only go in for one thing, but you come out with 6 mugs, a cake tin, and a set of cutlery!
middle names are so funny. it’s like ok what if we gave this baby a second worse name that’s a little bit of a secret ?? and it kind of has to be marie
Now that I’m in my 30s, I have to worry about both my kids and my parents saying something embarrassing in public.
My neighbors with the fireworks would apparently like to wish everyone a happy July 7th.
If I was a princess I’d wanna be rapunzel so I could get locked in a tower and get my hair pulled.
My kids’ hamster escaped and I found her hiding from them in the closet so I just left her in there because honestly I get it… I get it.
I don’t think AI should be used to make content…BUT…if there were a way for the paw patrol to tell my son by name that if he doesn’t go to bed they will arrest him…
The Wi-Fi is out so I guess I’ll have to go harvest DVDs from the field the way my grandmother used to do.