If you respond, “My bra is too tight” every time a coworker approaches, they will stop asking you questions.
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“You can’t just erase people out of your life”
Me:
Snoop: Murder was the case that they gave me.
Me: oh, mine was public urination, so same
it’s been 10 years since the rumour came out…
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Does anybody flutter a cape like Adam Driver and yet he still has not played Dracula in a movie possibly because he is sort of playing Dracula in every movie
I’m embedded with a mall-walking group. Tomorrow, we’re splitting a Cinnabon eight ways.
every video on here is a staged fight called something like “Was the Nurse Right to Yell at the Patient🤔” with 1.3M comments that say “imho if I were the nurse i would yell at the patient”
people keep asking my pregnant ass what my cravings are. when you ask me that question my craving becomes a gun and a double shot of whiskey
Alright hear me out: gigs in the morning. 8am doors, 9am showtime. Coffee at the bar. Church shouldn’t get to corner the market on morning entertainment anymore.
If I was a weather man I’d leak the weather early to pretty women
I love sleeping in fishnets. Makes you feel like a big honey roast ham.